Recently there's too many things happening in life .. till i'm left.. speechless on certain issues ...
Locking my heart up, freezing it in the darkest n coldest place ... where no one can ever touch...
was melted by 1 that i'm so defenceless against ....
along the process i even lost myself completely not understanding the reason why...
why am i so attracted to her....
why am i so in love with her ...
what's making me, going heads over hills for her ...
why is she special ....
why did missed every second when i'm not around her...
even when i'm resting why am i woken up by dreaming of her ...
what's the reason behind with what i'm feeling towards n for her ...
why...why ..why ...
there's isn't an answer to be found no matter how hard i tried...
now .... i'm just as good as a body without a soul ...
faced with a full plague betrayal from a so call old friend ...
giving encouragement on one hand ..yet .. doing like wise on the other...
makes me aware that ..shits like this, still do exist in this ugly world ...
...while going thru all these ... i hv discovered some friends that are so true towards
me, even for those we seldom contact....
that warms my heart a little... just a little ...
Thank u... all u lovely people for giving me all the encouragement that u can give, n standing by my side whenever u can...
I'm sad to say i'm trying n did tried to put everything behind..
somehow or rather ... i failed badly ...
I know deep within me, i will not hate her or even bear grudges towards her for even a second of my life... yet ... i'm still concern of her well being...
over all these years .. i have never come across one incident of such ..that i'm going thru right now ...
leaving me so helplessly vulnerable .... when leaving is the only option left ...yet it's so hard to even take the first steps ....
Even though i can hold on to my feeling ...blinding myself up for not knowing the fact that,
my heart is telling me , " if u leave now ... u will regret the rest of ur life ..."
she's the only person i've come across that gave me such feeling ...
situations are already in such a stage ... even by knowing that ... she's seeing that guy ... disgust me ...
yet ...my tears still flows uncontrollably when night falls ....
When my heart wants to move on ... somehow somewhere my brain's telling me otherwise...
While my mind's made up to go ...my heart's holds on, too dearly to letting go...
i'm currently at the worst stage of my life .. defeated in the worst battled ever fought ...
basically ... i'm lost ......
losing myself completely....
losing life ...
losing every sense i ever know ...
i need time to heal..
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Damn lost ..Wth !!
Should i just move on or stop for a while to know that someone.
Situations around seem so complicated... geeze ......
sigh.... or would it be better for me if i just freeze up my emotion and just be who i am all this while.
Soulmate... is she still lost or have she appeared. i no longer can tell .
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Phynn - Hello Love
11:54 AM
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
11th auG 2010 ~ bad
1:17 PMfOr the paSt few days ... i'm somehow feelin wierd and lost " maybe "
read a post on facebook by one of my dearest ...straight after that brought tears down unknowingly.
i have never felt like this at any point of my life ...
emotionally unstable.
maybe it's due to the long hours of work without rest ..and the things i see in everyday life....
old lady with very bad back collectin carton with push cart.......
a despression gal breaking down in the middle of no where... the poor bf tryin his best to calm her down...
so many sad things in life all appearin in front of my eyes ....
drained me down completely ... even though i'm fortunate comparing to those people ...
another part of me was infact tellin me ... ending everything would have been the best solution.
i'm drained and for once i admit .... i'm emotionally unstable ..
Monday, August 9, 2010
9th Aug 2010
9:48 AMhummmm.... shOuld have been a gOod day ... guess i'm totally drained and i can't do anything about it ....
feelin really wierd and down for no good reason ... that i can explain ...
what have i gotten myself to ... i have walked thru this road one too many times to even memories what's it should be all about ...but somehow ...i'm feelin so god damn lost ....
fOr the past few niGhts i have been having funny dreams ....Dreams of i'm flirting witha good friend .... and worst ... next dream i'm kissin someone passionately ... i can't even see who the hell is she ..
had a good sat night with the guest dj , spinning trace thru out ... the boys n me dancin on podium for once .... but ... end of the night was just a ok .. nothing spectacular ....and i have drained myself out totally ...
tOday all the suDden i have the urGed buried in me ... tRying tO Only sPeaks Of what's i'm feElin within ....
tOwaRds my new and Old fRiends ... i'm alWays sincere ..and true ..nvr Once i dOubted anything Or anyone ....
i miGht lay quieT On alOt Of thinGs but that dOesn't mean that i'm plain dumb Or an idiOt .... i'm just beliving On ignorance is blissed ....
i miGht nOt chOse tO cOnfrOnt, simply beCos i rather u tell me ....
when time's uP and i'm .... i will nvR lOok baCk ... ...pls tReasuRe what ever bit Of me that's left ...
fOr i can Only say i wOn't have anythinG left fOr very lOng .
Saturday, December 26, 2009
merry Xmas to all - 26th dec 09
1:18 AMThis xmas left me a cold chill from within.
Dwelling on a question i can no longer answer..
Have i really change...
i can feel the changes in me...
everything seems to be so icy and frozen...
is my life birthday wishes coming thru...
Every year i'm always wishing for a heart that's so hard, dark and cold.
so as to not get hurt anymore. That suites the look on my face...
Am i really getting it.
kind of frightens me when i can feel i'm becoming more n more
icy towards alot of things...
Or am i just building an ice castle, keeping myself safe in within.
waiting for my right one to melt my world down ??
what have gone wrong ?
one too many weddin dinner i have attended ?
am i losing faith, that i have live my life so strongly on believing ?
icy cold white xmas....